Breaking my Own Glass Ceiling

SO I have a parcel notice on my desk right now, it says I can pick up my spanking new skates today. I'm so excited....and kinda terrified. I've had 2 herniated discs in the past 6 years, got me some untreatable bone spurs on my neck vertebrae, and a lifetime of conditioning to look for and find the negative potential in all situations (thanks Mom!). I've spent the last year telling myself and anyone who will listen that I won't/can't play derby, my physiotherapist won't allow it, I'm just planning to skate for the fun and fitness of it. And yet here I am, waiting for my new blue skates and dreaming of hipchecking those I love the best. I even came up with a skater name, just in case (Chub Soda, #355ml :). This is all part of the new paradigm I seem to be entering, where the things I knew for sure are suddenly in question, the things I ran from or rejected are suddenly intriguing, and the things I thought I wanted are suddenly looking like the dregs of a thrift store clearance rack. Injecting a little "why not?" into my decision-making has been freeing, if a little vertiginous.

And how does this all tie in with roller derby? Because this is a collective of people who make it safe to explore that which I fear. I've already got some outstandingly supportive friends, but it's the general attitude in derby that has helped pull me out of my crab shell. I can aim for any goal, approach any person, take on any challenge, and nobody tries to talk me out of it. I can even wear a pink mustache while I do it and no one bats an eye! So while it's still officiating that warms my blood, and I don't have a particular desire to duke it out on the track, it's enough to know that I can. That I'll be met with smiles, high fives and the kind of  approbation some people never find in their life. Maybe there are some things I know for sure....